I just ran across the community today, and I'm looking forward to some good mind-melding, friend-meeting, and good natured ranting! It's great to have a place to speak my mind...
And now, on with the show...
tragic1 is my handle on here. My real name is Francis, though some view it as an odd fit for me. I normally go by Frank, which is arguably an odder fit. Oh well.
Why I choose to live this way:
The answer is kind of multi-faceted. Ready?
I don't think there's anything wrong with coupling or being single, or whatever. No matter how you live your life, you are trading one set of complications for another, as well as one set of rewards for another. People that are in relationships because they really want to be are stridently different than those who date because they wish to escape being alone. It's obvious, if you look.
I am a romantic at heart. At the same time, I'm a realist...I know the dangers of "settling", and I realize that whether or not you're good boy/girlfriend "material", your success in this arena is half choice and half chance. There is no guarantee you'll meet someone who is right for you, and the reverse is true.
Meeting someone wrong for you, however, is all too easy...
At the same time, my past experiences have gone from ambivalent to downright spectacularly bad, and that can serve to be daunting to even the most zen of folks. Not to mention the ratio of wheat to chaff is nothing short of withering, when you look at it.
And, truth be known, I haven't enjoyed dating very much at all.
Being single is a valid path. I walk it proudly. I am complete unto myself. I have a loving family, friends, and an active, busy life. You make your own happiness, single or otherwise.
When did this happen?:
While I've been single and taken at varying times in my life, this is probably the time when I've stayed single the longest. While I've always held my beliefs, it was only recently that I decided that it's time to let go of former dreams and to build new ones, with me fully at the helm.
I'm not going to say there isn't an element of fatigue with the entire situation, but hey. ;-)
Do you still "see" people in a non formal way?:
No, though I have lots of deep, platonic relationships.
Are you sexually active?:
I would normally see no reason why a single person couldn't persue a reasonable, healthy sex life, and normally I would. As long as honesty and compassion are the pillars of "friends with benefits" situations (far too often, people forget about the "friends" part), I can see this being very fulfilling.
Sadly, the prevalance of STD's had become nothing short of ubiquitous and terrifying. Most singles I meet have something, and while I certainly do not scorn them (I comfort when I can), I have no desire to contract anything myself. Protective measures are not as viable against certain viruses, and I would rather not risk my health.
Aside from that, I've seen far too many situations lead to a whole lot of drama...lack of which being one of the attractive things about the single lifestyle.
Far too often, a sexually active lifestyle is more trouble than it's worth.
Do the people around you know about your choice?:
Yes. A handful understand it perfectly, while most others regard it with confusion, or offer erroneous explanations - latent homosexuality (because gay people don't date or anything...I'm sure my gay and lesbian friends would get a kick out of this one), lack of confidance, "looking in the wrong places", etc...I've heard it all.
It couldn't be a choice or anything...
How have you felt since you made this decision?:
All emotions are naught but moments. I find my current state to be liberating...I am about as free as one gets. My life is my own, and in being strong in that life, I am far more able to be a giving friend to my loved ones. Ironically, I think this makes me a better boyfriend, too, should I meet someone amazing enough to show me that being in a couple will somehow be different than it has been in the past, different enough that I would choose to persue it.
I'm not holding my breath, though.
A peaceful warrior does not give up what he loves, he finds the love in what he does.
--- Way of the Peaceful Warrior